


If I'm not here to love you

by happysaltzpark



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F, Falling In Love, Friendship/Love, Idiots in Love, Love, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, Mutual Pining, Romantic Soulmates, Sad, Sad Ending, Soulmates, Star-crossed, True Love, Unhappy Ending, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-03-02 16:47:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18814969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happysaltzpark/pseuds/happysaltzpark
Summary: Penelope Park and Josie Saltzman are in love, but they can't be together, because Josie Saltzman loves Hope Mikaelson too.The starcrossed lovers/soulmate one shot no one needs, but y'all will read anyway.





	If I'm not here to love you

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys. This is a very sad and heartbreaking posie story, so if you're not in the mood for heartbreak and a posie breakdown, maybe read it another time. Grab tissues and chocolate.  
> Also: thanks to @liz_mikaelson for helping me.  
> Have fun reading this. Kudos and comments are highly appreciated and wanted.
> 
> My twitter: @daylightposie. Tweet me how you feel.

Josie was 13 and Penelope was 14 years old, when they fell in love with each other. 

Penelope was certain, for once in her life, she just knew. She knew that loving Josie is what she's meant to do. Loving Josie, is her fate. And she wants to accept it.. pursue it. She wants to love Josie everyday. 

Josie feels like a truck hit her, she was happy. She had everything she ever needed. She had a supportive family, coming out as pansexual wasn't easy, but nevertheless she was proud to be queer. And she took her chances and came out. Who would have thought her family would be so supportive of her?  
Just a few weeks after she came out to her family, Josie started seeing her bestfriend Hope differently. She started noticing her cute little quirks, how she pokes out her tongue when she's thinking about something. How she smiles at people when she greets them in the hallway, how her voice changes, whenever she talks to Josie.  
There was so much more, but Josie couldn't describe it. The both girls got closer to each other, talking about things "friends" normally don't talk about.. they trusted each other, opening up about things, no one else would ever know about them. 

And they fell in love. 

______________

4 months later, a new student came to the Salvatore Boarding School. A girl with long and raven hair, with the most gorgeous green eyes Josie has ever seen. The moment, Josie said hello to her, Josie lost herself in her eyes. 

To Josie, Penelope was so easy. It didn't take long and they became bestfriends. Everything about Penelope made Josie feel something.  
Knowing Penelope was driving her heart crazy and calmed it at the same time. Whatever Josie felt, unsettled her, but it was amazing. She never wanted to lose this feeling. The friendship of them was special.  
Even if Josie and Penelope didn't get to see each other, they would always text. 

It started out with a sweet good morning text every day and ended with an even sweeter goodnight text to each other. 

They talked about their love for pizza, their habits, dreams, their wishes and their hopes. They talked about things they despised.  
And in almost every aspect, they shared the same views. 

"It's so weird just how similar we work. It's like, we're the same person." Josie giggled.  
"Who knows, maybe we were made of the same star?" Penelope joked. But she meant it.  
"Soulmates, huh?" Josie asked jokingly.  
"Definitely" Penelope answered serious. 

And so it continued. A friendship turned into something more, so slowly, taking its sweet time. 

Penelope knew she was screwed, when she started dreaming about Josie. 

_________

"Hey guys" MG said happily, greeting the two witches.  
"Hey MG" they said in unison and giggled. 

The three teenagers were outside in the backyard of the school, sitting on a blanket that was spread out on the grass. They enjoyed the sun and the quiet moment, enjoying the sound of the birds chirping. It was a long day and they just needed some time to calm down and just enjoyed the time they spend together. MG was playing with his hands, fiddling nervously with them. Penelope noticed that and spoke up. "Are you okay MG? She asked softly.  
MG shook his head. "Do you want to talk about it?" Josie asks this time.  
MG nodded, but hesitated for a moment, until he finally spoke up.  
"I like Lizzie, but she's with Rafael. What am I supposed to do?" he asks, preparing himself. He knew what he needed to hear, but he knew that it would hurt nevertheless.  
"Move on" Penelope and Josie said at the same time, looking at each other when they realized what happened. "Thanks guys" MG says, sighing. "Also.. this thing you guys do.. when you say the same thing at the same time.. it's hilarious. It happens so often to you. It's like you're soulmates or somethin'" he jokes. But Penelope and Josie were too busy staring into each other's eyes. They both felt this weird, but yet exciting feeling in their stomach. Josie was the first to break the gaze. She sighes loudly. 

In that moment, Penelope felt her heart crack a little. 

_________

 

And 2 months passed just like that. And everything they did was a second nature to them by now. They couldn't stay away from other, they couldn't stop talking or texting, they just needed each other. Even when they were apart for just a few hours, they missed each other dearly. Their hearts were aching for each other. 

They weren't friends anymore, yet they didn't tell each other how they truly felt. Somehow, they couldn't.  
But Penelope's heart was breaking, knowing Josie would never be hers. 

It was 2 am, in the middle of the night. Penelope was awake, listening to music that reminded her of Josie. She couldn't sleep, her thoughts consumed by her, by the what ifs. She knew she had to move on, but she couldn't. Something deep inside her, was still holding on. She still had hope. 

Suddenly, her phone vibrated. She unlocked it and saw a missed text by Josie. 

From: Josie <3  
Hey, are you still awake? 

Penelope smiles. 

To: Josie <3  
Yes I am. And you seem to be too, are you okay? 

From: Josie <3  
I don't know. I miss you 

To: Josie <3  
I miss you too Jojo. I can't stop thinking about you. 

From: Josie <3  
I can't stop thinking about you either. 

To: Josie <3  
Can you come over? 

From: Josie <3  
I'm already in front of your dorm. Can you open the door? 

Penelope places her phone on her nightstand and got up, she opened the door and was met by Josie. She was in her pyjama and had her hair in a messy bun, Penelope was certain of one thing. She never, never saw someone as beautiful as her, right in this moment. She was so effortlessly stunning. 

"Hey, come in" Penelope says softly and steps away from the door. 

"I- I shouldn't be here. I think I'm gonna go.." Josie said, her voice was soaked in anxiety. "Are you okay?" Penelope asked, once again. "I shouldn't say this, but I'm going insane.." her voice trembling. Penelope never saw Josie like this.  
"Hey, it's okay. I'm here for you." she reaches out to hold Josies hand. 

"I love you" Josie blurted out.  
"I love you too." Penelope answers, with adoration in her eyes and carelessly.  
Josie sighs, she hated this. This feeling in her chest, as if someone slammed a knife into her heart and has been twisting it ever since.  
"but I love her too." she finally says  
"I know." Penelope says, so slowly.  
The pain in her heart was nothing she ever felt before.  
"I hate this" Josie whispers.  
"Me too.." Penelope whispers back, knowing damn well what was about to come next.

"I can't be with you. I love her." Josie explains, her voice quivering. She's trying so hard to keep herself together. She's trying not to lose it.  
With a sad smile, Penelope answers.  
"It's okay. I'm sorry I am not enough for you. I'm sorry that I am not the one."

"But you are enough and you are the one. I just don't know.." Josie tries to reassure Penelope, but it's hopeless.  
"Penelope you are so special, you're so wonderful, you're the best person I know and I care about you so deeply. I can't be without you. And I just needed to say this. I hate this. Liking two people at the same time.. this hurts me so much."

"It's okay Josie, it's okay. I was whipped for you since the moment I laid eyes on you. I love you so much, but you have to do what's right for your heart. If she makes you happier, if she can give you something that I can't.. then do what makes you happy." Penelope's voice cracked at the end of her sentence. They both looked into each other's eyes.

"I'm sorry Penelope, for putting you through this." Josie says pained.  
"It's okay, you can't control the way you feel." she answers softly, she doesn't know who she was trying to reassure that it was okay. Her? Probably. But herself? Probably too. 

Josies voice was barely a whisper, a single tear escaped her eye. "I feel so much for you, I have never felt like this before."

Penelope sighes this time, shaking her head, her eyes shut.. trying not to feel too much. "What's holding you back then?"

"I- I don't know... I think I should go." Josie answers, drying the tears away with the sleeve of her pyjama. "You can't tell me you love me and leave Josie, that's not how it works. I need to understand.. why bother telling me, if you can't be with me?" Penelope was hopeless now, she just wanted to scream. She wanted the world to stop spinning. She wanted it all to stop. She just wanted to be with Josie, she wanted to go back to the times when they didn't voice how they felt for each other.. because it was easier like that. It was innocent and sweet, it was intense and real. But it was unknown.

It was good.

Josie steps closer and embraces Penelope in a hug, holding on to her for dear life. Penelope was never hugged like that. The hug screamed pain, hurt and sadness. It screamed "Don't you dare to let me go."

"I am sorry, I don't understand myself Penelope. I am sorry that I can't give you the answers and the closure you need.." Josies voice was still pained and she spoke slowly, still holding on to Penelope. "This isn't fair." Penelope sobs out. Josie holds her for as long as she can, can barely bring herself to break the embrace. Finally, she pulls away, just a little, and is pulled back in by the broken look in Penelope's eyes. Rests her forehead against Penelope's, unable to fully end the contact. They're still far too close and she can see Penelope's lips so clearly, breathing slowly. They linger like that, no distance and far too much space between them.

"I will always love you. I don't think I can ever move on from loving you." Penelope continues sobbing. "You can't do this to yourself, penny. You can't wait for me hoping my feelings will change or I figure this out. I love you too.. but.." Josie doesn't want to say it. And she doesn't have to. Penelope knows.

They both sigh in unison. Josie finally finds the strength to break apart from Penelope's touch. Josie moves, about to turn around, but Penelope reaches out to grab her arm, softly, but firmly. She looks at Josie with pleading eyes.

Stay. They screamed. Love me. They screamed. Pick me, choose me. They screamed.

But she couldn't say it out loud.

Josie smiles at Penelope with empathy, the tears started to spill from her eyes again. She moves her arm and breaks the contact and she leaves.

If I am not here to love you, then for what am I here for? Penelope thought. Standing there, unable to move just letting the tears fall.


End file.
